How are you?

How happy are you? I mean, really? When someone says "how are you?" are you lying when you say, "good"? I once had a wonderful woman, Jenny Kokai, ask me if I really was okay as she was first encountering the Utah-happy-mask. She didn't believe me because I wasn't. How many times do we pretend we are happy when our acquaintances, friends, even close family ask us how we are? 

I'll tell you what, I have been the most unhappy I have ever been as of late. I've been trying to answer the "how are you" question truthfully, but it usually comes out a lie. I don't know where this incessant need to appear cheerful, put together and perfect all the time comes from, but I think it needs to stop. When we ignore the question and reply with a lie, we are not allowing that person to help us. We fall further into loneliness (let's face it, that's what it ends up being) because we aren't willing to open up. We need to let people in, reach out when we need help, and let the love shine in. 

It may seem like I am expecting others to fix my sadness when I say that, but that's not the point. Maybe that's why people do it. They feel like they are burdening others with their problems. Some may feel that way, but I don't. I love when people share their sorrows with me. It makes me feel useful as a friend. I don't usually give great advice or try to fix it, but I love to be an ear to listen and a shoulder to cry on. 

In my attempts to be happier, I have started #100happydays. For those who don't know, you post a picture on social media every day for 100 days that depicts something that made you happy that day. This was Day One:

Erik likes to say that you must recognize that something is wrong before you can fix it. I think confessing that you aren't okay instead of lying is a step in the direction of happiness. 

Feel free to join! 

Birthdays and stuff.

I haven't blogged in a while, so I just wanted to write a quick update. 

Ingrid is one! Her birthday was way fun, even though I totally failed at the "perfect party" thing. My sister, Melinda, told me I'll learn what things I can do the day before and what I can leave until that day. Hopefully.

The theme was "You are my sunshine," so naturally, everything was yellow (except for the rainbow fruit kabobs). 
 

 

I think my favorite thing was the sign I made and the cake/cupcakes 

 

Ingrid was getting sleepy during the party, seeing as her bed time was about 7:30-8 then and she didn't take a good nap. But she LOVED her cake. She started out eating it so proper, then she just held onto it with one hand to make sure she could eat it. She's so silly. 

She's just so cute. 

I've been going to school this semester, and I totally took too many credit hours. It has been super stressful, but we'll figure it out. 

Anyway, there's a short update of what we've been up to. 

Oh so nervous.

In the last few days, it's really hit me that I'll have another baby to take care of in about a month. And people, I am getting nervous!! After looking at pictures of Ingrid when she was first born, I realized that I forgot how little she was! I'm nervous that it won't all come back to me, and I'll be super awkward and un-mommy like. 

But then again, I remember when I had Ingrid, it just made sense. I knew how to hold her, (for the most part) how to feed her, how to change her diaper, how to clean out her nose. It just kind of came to me. I'm not saying I was amazing at first (cause I'm obviously amazing now), but I didn't feel awkward with my new little bubbycakes. She knew me, I knew her, and we figured it out. Well, I figured it out. She wasn't much help. 

These are the things I tell myself when I look at my pregnancy apps, do my kick counts, and see her little bum poke out just left of my belly button (her favorite spot). Even though I have two babies now, not just one. Even though I'm stressed to the max always as of late. Even though I'm super nervous, I feel like things will be fine and we'll just figure it out.... Well, I'll figure it out. They won't be much help. 

Just thinkin'.

As I was rocking Ingrid to sleep tonight, I started thinking about when my sister Melinda first became a mom. I was 13 years old when my oldest nephew Ryker was born. I remember watching him stop crying as soon as she held him. He just loved her so much, and it was specifically her he wanted. I told her once as he was falling asleep on her chest, and I'm not sure she remembers this, that I want to have kids because I want that. To be the person they feel most comfortable with and would do anything for them. 

At thirteen I knew how much I wanted to be a mom, and one of my biggest fears was that I wouldn't have that opportunity. Now, I have an 8 month old, and I'm pregnant with my second! Although the co-sleeping has its cons, I love being so present and necessary in her little life. 

I'm just so grateful for my babies, is all. I don't think everyone is meant to be a parent, but I know I definitely was. 

Also, my husband is awesome, and he's a great dad, too. He has found a way to get her to sleep almost quicker than my way, which is kind of crazy.

 

The Small Stuff.

I went to McDonalds this morning to buy a diet coke because we're out. (Yes, I'm that person.) I forgot to ask for no ice, and they said they could bring me one if I pulled forward. (Still that person.) I pull forward, and a few cars go around me and someone else is asked to pull forward. I pulled up a bit more so she could have more room. So, this big ol' truck is behind the lady. He lays on his horn, whips around her and yells, "Move your bitch car, whore!" I drive a prius (that person again), so I'm assuming the bitch car was me because.... it is. 

I initially was confused, then I got angry. Why would someone make a comment like that about someone who had been asked to pull forward at McDonalds? They have an area specifically for that. I didn't choose for him to get in his enormous vehicle and go through a drive thru during a morning rush. And who yells at people in the McDonald'd drive thru?? 

Then, strangely enough, I became introspective. Lately I have been getting angry about random things that I have really no reason to be angry about. I get frustrated with my husband for things that aren't his fault or aren't anything to get upset about. I don't think I get to the degree of the dude in the truck, but sweating the small stuff just isn't worth it.

So thanks, douche. You helped me come to a realization that will help me be a better person.  

In other news, Ingrid has her first cold. She hates it when I wipe her nose, and her little cough makes me sad.

Summer.

It's been a while since I've posted. It's been a crazy couple of months, but things are going well. Erik has a ton of fun projects, Ingrid is crawling and pulling up to stuff like crazy, and I start school in three weeks!!

As many of you know, Erik and I have been on the journey to be sealed in the temple, and after a year I finally feel like things are happening. Erik is going to be ordained an Elder on Sunday. I am so proud of him and the changes he's made in his life to become a better person. He works so hard to make sure Ingrid and I are comfortable and happy, and I love him so much. We are planning on blessing Ingrid on September 1st, and we should be going through the temple some time in October. I love the change in life style we have done, and I love the way the gospel has touched my life.

We went to a good friend's wedding reception in Salt Lake, and Maggie snapped this cutie. I'm so happy for Tia and her lovely bride! I'm so glad we were able to see them while they were in town.

We went to Bear Lake last weekend, which is my absolute favorite weekend of the year! I love seeing that beautiful, blue lake, Oreo (and the occasional raspberry) shakes, walking a mile or so to the beach (we had a pioneer trek across a river this year), and this year we added our little fishy to the mix. Ingrid LOVES the water! She was so adorable splashing around, and kicking her legs with her dad. We crawled around on the shore for a while, then she just zonked out. I'm already excited for next year!

Nikki just saw how we were walking with Ingrid and immediately jumped on the photo op. Thanks!!

They have so much fun together. 

She crawled around and got so mad at me when I made her get out for a nap. We definitely have a fishy in the family.

This was our pioneer trek in order to get to the good beach. It was quite the walk, but the water was great where we ended up. There were more pictures of Erik, Steven, and Clifton all helping my grandpa across, but somehow they got deleted from my phone. 

This is for Melinda. We always bring lunch to the beach, and someone decided putting the potato salad into baggies was a good idea. Erik, with his ingenious ideas, bit a hole in the corner and squished it out. Hilarious!

These two are so cute together! I love that Ingrid has a cousin so close to her age.

I'm kind of glad summer is starting to wind down. I'm ready to go back to school, and start getting on with the rest of our goals.

We took Ingrid to the drive in last night to see Despicable Me 2 with my brother Steven and his family. It was so much fun! We need to do it more often!

If you couldn't tell.

If you follow me on instagram, the following post will not be news to you. Why? Because I post a picture of my adorable baby girl almost every day. But there's a reason why I post so many pictures. I love being a mom! There, I said it! And not only do I love being a mom, I'm OBSESSED with my daughter! She is the cutest thing ever. Within the last half hour she has done the following:

figured out how the bear toy on her swing works
tried to pull the toy connected to the top of her play gym off
pooped all over her clothes
talked to herself in a mirror
and fallen asleep.

She is one busy little three month old, which makes me a busy not little mommy (I still have a thousand pounds to lose from being pregnant). And I love my little family. Even when my laundry looks like this:

Told you she pooped all over herself.

But in all seriousness, children are amazing. I was reading "I'll Love You Forever" to Ingrid last night, and I made it half way through before I started crying. Maybe I'm a sap, but seriously, that book is freaking adorable. She is absolutely amazing! I want her to get bigger so I can see all of the fun things she will be, but I want her to always be little enough to love cuddling with her mom.

I just thought you might want to know :)

She's been talking like crazy all week!